CRM @ Maple Leaf !!

Maple Leaf Guest House, Gurgaon has been my second home for the past 4 years . I experience a fantastic CRM each time I come here – the primary reason why I continue to stay here in spite of the many better and more attractive and comfortable options .

The Maple leaf guest house owner is probably unaware of the relationship his employees have built up over time ( with me and many others ) which is the prime reason why many like me continue to patronize this place . He himself has never spoken to me except an occasional greetings and may not even recollect where I work . To him running this guest house properly would mean high occupancy rate, on-time billings and collections and keeping expenses under control !!
So when gradually his older employees started leaving and the new ones could not continue the culture , the CRM broke down ! The owner will be clueless now to understand what went wrong and why he will start losing longtime guests like me .

Sunday late evening arrival ..
Good evening, Sir, Ghar mein sab theek hain ??
Yes , Thank you Kewal & how are you ?
My strolley bag and notebook back pack get quickly whisked away even before I finish signing the Hertz trip completion form .
Good evening Sir, Please sign here ..
All other fields in the guest register are already pre-entered !
HP Sir ka samaan sab rakh do !
My walking shoes , slippers and toiletries articles ( which I leave behind here ) are sent to my room immediately along with an extra pillow, iron box, bottle of mineral water and remote for TV and AC .
Thank You Manjeet ,
Sir , aaj karela mangwa rakha hai, aur rajmaa bhi .
Half-half kar doon ?
And that decides my dinner as well .

Manjeet and Hem manage the front desk, reception, telephone switch board, billing. They also double up as IT wireless lan specialist. electrician, TV and backup generator technicians .
Kewal, Suman and Hari are responsible for everything else except cooking . Room service, House keeping, Bell desk, Porter, Wake up alarm, paper delivery and shoe shine.
Vijay cleans the floor, waters the plants and does odd jobs
Rajinder and Ram take care of logistics, airport pick up and drop service and city guide as well .

5.45 AM - hot team in a flask with sugar free

box
6.10

AM – TOI + ET delivery
8.15AM – Breakfast - non oil, non spicy bland food .
Occasionally - Aaj bhaturey bhej doon ? less oil mein ho jayega !
8.45 AM – office drop in the car – low A/C, low blower, No FM or CD , no cell phone talk and moderate speed !

And in the evening when I return ..
Aaj ka din kaisa tha Sir ??
And sometime we would talk about my daughter, son, Ram’s fourth Daughter, Manjeet’s wife’s exam preparation, their families in Nepal & Bihar or Kewal’s new & fancy Samsung cell phone .
And end up with something similar to
Fresh paalak laya hoon , aur bhindi bhi … to close dinner again .

Over the last year , slowly attrition took its toll , here too
Hari was the first to go – went to Malaysia
Rajinder had a fight with the owner and left in a huff suddenly
Manjeet switched to a different guest house a couple of blocks away
Kewal boarded a flight to Dubai last month .
Did not see Suman and Ram went off to Bihar to see his new born daughter .

The new staff refused to understand me ..
Aaj khaney mein kya hai, Pankaj ?
Saab, room mein menu card hai, aap choose kar lijeye !!
Vijay , recently promoted to room service does his best to make up , but it does not work .

Last trip , a 3 day stay & everything went awry !!
The CRM had broken down completely and there was no customer service either . It was not a difficult decision to make . Even the belated Diwali traditional dry fruit gift pack, sent thru Vijay could not change my mind !

Sad ! four years of great relationship .
Eroded by 3 days of insensitive treatment .
And I switch to a new guest house !!

Krish..

Prized Possessions ! Pricesless Memories !! @ Rs 4 – Rs 4000 per Kilo !!!

Saath kilo now so pachees ! And he beamed a smile at me !!
WOW !! I exclaimed .
Theen Kilo saath sow paanch ! He rang out once more !
And I was really impressed !!
Hearing Hindi in a small shop in Mylapore, Chennai was the last I expected !!
Thin & short , dark & wiry, white dazzling pearly teeth, bright shining eyes – man ( ? ). youth ( ??) or boy ( ???) of indeterminate age, he  clearly enjoyed his job !!

Here I was, in a narrow dingy shop filled all over with old piling Junk – old vessels , old used pressure cookers, pots , pans, brass plates and a lot of shiny stainless steel vessels hanging from the roof as well.
Not a logical place where one would find happiness , cheer and enthusiasm .
But Kumar defied logic !!
He was a shop assistant at the Indra Vessels Mart, which was squeezed between two equally depressing dingy shops in one of the small crowded by-lanes of Mylapore , Chennai .

I was there to dispose off our huge family collection of old vessels – huge heavy copper, bronze and brass vessels, massive woks, enormous pots, pans, plates, pitchers etc, etc – many belonging to my grand mom and her mom as well. Most of these would have been offered as a part of their dowry package and proudly displayed ( in new & polished & shining condition, of course ) along with other silver & gold ornaments and silk sarees in the display room ( seer room ) which is a traditional part of every south India marriage ritual .
Now they were no use , no relevance and their grand value reduced to just Rs180/kilo for bronze, Rs 200/kg for brass & Rs 220/ kg for copper !!
Sad , 3 generations of prized possession getting sold at scrap value !!

I feel sad and helpless ….
Wish I was rich enough to open up my own family museum . I could have filled up many rooms ….
One room for our silver – plates, jugs, cups, lamps, pooja vessels etc, etc.
2-3 rooms for brass , bronze , copper utensils

1 room with rack and racks of books – 2 sets of original Britannica encyclopedia , leather bound Oxford and Chambers dictionaries , 4 hard bound Atlases , 3 huge Globes with heavy cast iron bases – and these would not even have half the countries that we have today , Shakespeare collection, Milton, Homer’s Illyad and other classics , Tamil literature, religious treatise , books and translations of Vedas, dozen versions of Ramayana & Mahabharata .. ......
I wonder how much of these can now be accessed thru my 8 inch netbook + Google and how much will be lost for ever !!

At least one room for the 70 odd large , old dilapated photoframes – giant frames of gods, goddesses, framed posters of elephants, tigers, reproductions of Ravi Verma paintings, some European pictures ( a couple of leonardo da vinci nudes too !! ), Gandhi, Nehru, Aurobindo, lithos of great grandfathers, family photos in sepia, and a huge steel trunk full of photographs …..

One more room for ‘ life style products ‘ - old gramophone – big stand alone / medium and small table top models – all with shining brass snaking out waveguide cones, hundreds of music records ( 78 rpm) grandfather’s wicker easy chair, pine wood study table, grandfather clocks, cuckoo clocks, walking sticks, walnut chest of draws and so on ......

Another room for traditional toys – Golu Bommais ( toys displayed during the traditional Golu festival during the dussehra times ), Marapachhi and Chennapatna wooden sculpted toys, imported porcelain Burmese toys, European porcelain, a couple of Chinese vases as well .

And …
Sir, your money sir !!
I was jolted back into reality . This trip yielded me 8000 bucks !!
7 days , innumerous calls to all relatives encouraging them to take away all they wanted , multiple trips to libraries, junk marts , and finally a call to Udavamkarangal – the NGO that takes house hold goods and uses them to maintain their charity and old age homes .

Mom had died 2 years back ..
And Dad slowly switched off from reality, and his Alzheimer’s was catching up on him as well .
It was impossible to remotely maintain our house .
Four generations of family heirloom
Sold for a song – sad song !!

Chhai Piyo , Saar !!
Kumar bounced back in front of me .
With a steaming glass and a beaming smile !!

Krish..

Shake ! Shake !! Sugar Free !!!

I have been on Sugar Free tablets for more than 20 years ..
Not because I am figure conscious , but I am diabetic !

And I would have bought more that 150 boxes and shaken out many thousands of SF
pellets over this period !
And , shaking out the small white pellets – that's interesting & challenging !!

My usual practice is to hold the small plastic box upside down, vigorously shake it up and down, or sideways and any which way until a small white pellet appears on my other hand .
This exercise could go on up to more than a few seconds before the tablet reluctantly comes out – and sometimes a barrage of 5 of them roll out dodging my hand & scattering all over  the kitchen floor !!

Never did I ever wonder or imagined whether there could be an easier & saner process of shaking out a single pellet predictably each time ..
Until I watched the Sugar Free Advert on the TV yesterday ... when a fair and dainty hand gently taps our a single pellet from a semi-slanted container into a hot steaming mug .

And immediately I went into the kitchen and tried out this process ..
And it worked !!
And since then – 6 mugs of tea / coffee - and it worked each time !!

EUREKA !!!
.
Krish..
.

What Rajni..kanth ! Nobody Can !!

People have gone berserk ccreating Rajni jokes  .

Here is my take on The Rajni reality

The Rajni Rules :- Take…  them …  seriously !   I Say !!!

·                     You shall not host nor rehost substandard reality shows and semi rigged live TV contests !

·                     You shall not endorse unknown massage oil and hair oil brands !!

·                     You shall not grow ‘ six packs ‘ overnight  and flaunt them on cinema screen !!

·                     You shall always & seriously respect the sensibility of the  2 independent worlds of cinema and real life :  You can follow my own example –

o       On the silver cinema screen I will be  the biggest  super duper dashing star .

o       And in real life I will be the graciously matured 60 year old nicely  balding father in law !!  And I am very  proud  of it , I say !!!

·                     You can speak your mind thru your own self at the appropriate time & only if & when required . SO you shall NOT deploy outsourced bank of ghost bloggers to comment on everything and make lofty attempts to change  world opinions !!

And as I say ..   More rules may be made …

                         But none shall be broken – mind it !!

Krish..

Any Takers for Tinglish ??

Some of you would have heard of Singlish ( Singaporean English – What , La ?? ) .

And we are all proud of our own home grown Hinglish .

However,  I have not seen much mentioned  about Tamil English ( Tinglish ?? )

.

Tamilian English is Quaint !

It’s a unique style ( more than vocabulary ) spoken & punctuated by the typical South-Indian Tamil accent . ( Yevverry  one in my family is vorking for  either Yintell and Voracull . I say !! )

And it is  wonderful to hear it come out so effortlessly from young primary school kids especially .

.

Last year when I was visiting Chennai , I overheard this 5 year old girl in a dual pig tails  narrating a story to her 4 friends . 

And she started off …Yinn the forest ( Kaatril ) one ( oru ) Lionn ( Singam ) will be  ( irrukkum ) . A Hindi equivalent will be similar ( Jangal mein ek Sher tha ) . This literal translation caught my fancy and ever since  “ In the forest one lion will be “  has become my favourite phrase  .

And each time I hear  tamil kids  speak  English  , I can also clearly hear the English compilers in their heads translating , in real time  , clear tamil thoughts into exact spoken English !!

And its always amusing ..

And have you read Anurag Mathur’s – The Inscrutable Americans  ?? if not,  check it out !!

And I just finished 2 States by Chetan Bhagat – good read too !!!

Krish..

Manjunatha Reporting Sir !!

Yes Sir !  Reporting  Sir !!

5 Admissions :  1  Discharge .

No Casualty , No Death,

1 Emergency Cesarean

3 in ICU , 1 Critical !!

 .

And in my own finely tuned Sales brain  I wondered

Whether this resident Doc on night duty

Will meet his quota & performance targets this month ??

 .

Continue..

Yesterday night was very bad Sir

Against all hopes we tried

We are trying now also Sir

We are just torturing the body Sir  !  How much more Sir  ??

 .

And I mentally  wished & very hard

That this  ‘body’ really fights back

Defies all probability & statistics

And walks off this hospital very soon !!!

 .

Krish..

Hospital and Happiness !!

Have been out of action for some time ..

So a bit of catching up ... wrote this piece while recovering from suspected Dengue & more like a viral fever ..
.

At the hospital, Yet Again !

Me and DE are fighting it out

Day before it was  - Advantage Krish

Yesterday – Duece &  Today - Adv De .

I am NOT Happy !!

.

Came in here again – very grumpy

Did not thank the ever helpful gaurd outside

Who opened my car door as usual

Nor smile a greeting

At the two pleasant & efficient receptionists

Muttered impatient noises throughout

While standing impatiently at the billing counter queue

Scowled at the ever talking trio in the blood sampling room

Nor thank Padma who smooth & painlessly drew my blood

Briskly picked up the small tube and marched downstairs

Handed it over to the friendly technician with a curt –

Need my report in one hours time !!

.

Yes , I demonstrated my unhappiness quite adequately

And the entire hospital staff is to be blamed !!!

.

Sitting @ the reception hall once again

Different steel chair but equally uncomfortable

No lightness of being this time

Only a heaviness of worry

Its  a gloomy overcast sky outside

And the tube lights inside seem to lose

A couple of lumens as well  to reflect my mood

And I am definitely Not Happy !!

Very unhappy in fact angrily unhappy !!!

.

The coffee counter man rolls out his cart as usual

I walk up , point a 10 rupee note at the hot tea canister

Piping hot steamy extra sugary masala tea

Flows searing down my throat

Lifts up my mood immediately

And shoots up my diabetic sugar level instantly !

.

My head clears out and shrugs off the unpleasant baggage

And I immediately notice the 2 year old moon faced boy beside me

Pestering his burkha clad mom with questions …

How big will she be , little , small ?

What will be her name ??

Will she talk to me ???

Really curious to know how his new born cousin sister will be !

.

Unhappiness eradicated , I am back on track !

.

Is happiness subjective – of course !

Watch me when my platelette count shoots over 150K !!

Is happiness relative  - Surely !

You delightfully happy Diwali bonus can quickly turn sour when

You hear your collegue get double of what you got !!

Is happiness contextual – definitely !

Happiness breeds Happiness  !!

.

And setting aside philosophy and serious thinking

Lets learn to manufacture our own happiness !

Just  a couple of simple nice thoughts

Put inside a relaxed mind

Is all you need for a great Bake !!

And all around you, You  can watch

Peoplesavor the fantastic aroma of

Fresh happiness cooking – every day / every hour !!

Yes , happiness is contagious – just catch it !!

.

And do watch the great TED  TALK by

 Matthieu Ricard on the habits of happiness

Matthieu Ricard on the habits of happiness

Krish..

Curiosity & Embarassment !!

Recollecting ..

A couple of weeks back , at the Delhi airport,  I witnessed a very interesting and hilarious incident.

In the men’s room a passenger walked in followed  by a small girl ,less than 2 years old .
And this little one was extremely curious . Most likely it would be the first time that she has entered a men’s room. And she promptly launched on a inspection tour of all the gents who were seriously facing the wall in one orderly row .

She would go near each one of those standing gent , observe their performance and look at them directly in their face !. And I could observe the extreme discomfort of these individuals and especially some of the older ones who were squirming in their pants and trying to desperately finish off their act fast !!

The entire episode lasted for probably a  minute . I wished I had a video camera to capture those candid moments .

This is one incident I am sure every one of those present will remember for a long long time .
And I for one, will never forget !!

Krish..
.

Hospital ! Dread another day !!

Waiting out at the hospital reception hall
Sitting on a uncomfortable chill steel chair in the narrow second row
Uncomfortably adjusting my knees each time someone walks past
Faces worried , anxious, worriedly anxious, pained , suffering, tired and some sheer exhausted .
Not a great place to spend an entire morning – I Bet !!

A big queue at the sample collection counter
Followed by a two hour wait for the report
Continuous stream of patient
And huge volumes of blood samples
Its fever time , its Dengue time in Bangalore – You Bet !!

16 went in, 7 came out through the main ward entrance
That’s is 23 a minute , 1380 an hour
And the guard at the entrance finding it very difficult to convince people
That one pass allows just one visitor – not three !!
And its not even peak time – I Bet !!

A bunch of young folks land up – very active and excited
Genuine patients ?? Probably not
New recruits coming for medical screening
Before joining their new jobs
Must be at HP , IBM or Cisco – You Bet!!

Then an elderly trio walk in
Heavy set balding man in-lead, followed by a thin bespectacled husband and his stocky wife in tow
With travel bags – its evident they come direct for the Bangalore railway station .
No brownie points for guessing this time
Anxious to check out their new born grand infant – I Bet ! and Double it !!

An Innova rolls up at the entrance , a very old man steps out
The helpful attendant rolls out the wheel chair – but not for him
But for his very frail and emaciated wife in a bright pink gown
Most people smile and greet them
Unfortunate frequent visitor – You Bet !

And as they roll past me
I see the wafer thin wife look up at her husband
And give the same loving smile she probably gave him 60 years back when they went dating at Cubbon Park
And the husband smiles back clearly indicating
You will walk back perfectly fine this time too – I Bet - and Double it !!

I walk down to collect my report
Hoping against hope
No luck - my platelet’s have gone down further
So hospital visit tomorrow again
Dread another day – No bets please this time ??

Doctors administer treatment ,
Hospitals give hope
Great treatment & better Hopes – not wonder this hospital gets so busy .
And I renew my hope ,
And anxiously hope and Bet Again !!

That more people will walk out ( Happy ) than those that walk in
That a young proud mother with happily take out her healthy chubby well packed infant
That the old couple will walk back to their Innova, hand in hand smiling at each other – like their teen age days
And of course , by blood platelets count bounces back above 150K mark
And this will happen, I Bet ! Double & Redouble it !!

Krish..
.

Infant Jesus Church !

I often go the Infant Jesus Church in Vivek Nagar, Bangalore  .

2 reasons .

*        I like the environment – Calm, serene and peaceful . Well regulated traffic inside & widely spaced benches to sit on . Very unlike the noisy and somewhat crowded and chaotic popular south Indian temples .

*        I like the convenience – I can enter the church and walk right up to the Altar without removing my shoes and socks ! Unlike the temples where I would have to remove my S & S , wash my hands and feet,  cautiously walk over  hard stone &  prickly surface and negotiate the various water / oil  spills and the mashed prasad ( prasadam ) patches on the floor !!

I  buy a large bunch of candles , light them one by one , counting off the many groups of people on whose behalf I offer each candle – starting with myself, my family, my  relatives , my friends, all my bosses , my collegues in Bgl office , my collegues in GGN office , my other old collegues and friends abroad and elsewhere ! In fact – My Sarva Kutumba – my entire global family !!

Then I walk up to the main altar, look up at the Infant Jesus’ radiant face , walk around the small statue placed in front , put my offerings into the bin and walk back to the benches .

Many time I have tried to ask for favours – like … please help me meet my Quota , help me make a great plan / presentation , help me get over my incessant cold soon etc ..  But I never manage to get enough seriousness and focus into such pleas and then they  all invariably end up at the common denominator – pl give me good health , good sensibility . I am happy , so please  maintain my current level of happiness and nothing more , O God !! Not very ambitious  – but I have no reasons to complain .

Yesterday, after my usual routine I sat back on a bench near the Pew and observed the devotees ..

Very interesting …

A young couple came in – obviously Christian Catholic from their attire . Lit  2 candles murmured a short prayer, briskly walked up to the altar, quickly kissed the feet to infant Jesus statue , put an offering and walked out !

And old woman , pain reflecting on her face knelt in front of the statue , arms spead out  wide, eyes  closed , prayed for some time .  She got up,  hugged the statue, took off one the garlands and slowly trudged out !

Many more came in -  some   kneeled , prayed silently , others  touched the feet / kissed the feet , hugged Infant Jesus statue,  mentally asked for favours and left .

I could well imagine  their feelings and the  pain  and I felt extremely sober !

And then ..

A young lady walked in . In a bright mauve colored saree with a matching top . No Christian definitely - observing the red bindi on her forehead  and the faint streak of vibhuti ( sacred ash ) above it .

She quickly took of her sandals , pushed it to a corner , knelt in front of the statue , did a perfect hindu style pranaan ( 3 times ) , then walked up to Infant Jesus, touched his feet with her right hand and then passed it over her head , stood near the statue and prayed .  Wonder how she prayed ?? – may be the English prayer we  learnt at our Christian missionary school and /or the common sanskrit shlokas we all learn at our homes !!

Then she picked up a short strand of flower ,  walked past me , slipped on her sandals and left !!

And I watched her ,  very amused !

And as I was reflecting  on  this incident with the smile still on my face , a sudden wave of feeling unsettled me ! Why am I feeling lost suddenly .

Is Infant Jesus any different from   all the  other gods I worship ? 

Is this church any different than any of the other temple I visit as often ?

Then why do  I behave so different here ?

Why do I so confidently walk up to the main altar here with my shoes on, when I can never  imagine doing such a bizarre act  in any temple ??

I sat for long  .

I did not get an answer ..

Nor I am sure what I will do next time I come here ..

Krish..

Rajnikanth – He, who is a Phenomenon !!

The world has seen many super heros and villans.

          But Rajni beats them all  -  Hands down ! Pants down !!

And that too without wearing any fluorescent tights …..nor an underwear on top !!

Tarzan – the lord of the jungle – could not proceed beyond the trees !

Phanton – went ahead but did not have the staying power !

Superman . Batman, Spiderman can fight villans , climb walls, fly in the air – like all normal superheros & The Incredibles too !!

But Rjnikanth .. He is a Phenomenon . He can match all the superheros can do – without  batting  an eyelid !!!

And while Harry Potter’s Lord Voldemort can boast of the title  - He who must not be named ..

Our Rajni has a many  more under his belt !!! 

·                     He who can slam a revolving door !

·                     He who can fast forward a live TV relay !!

·                     He who can strangle you with a cordless phone !!!

·                     He who can delete the recycle bin !!!!

And of course most of you may have come across this great one ..

           Where there is a will  .

              There is a way …

                       And  Where there is Rajnikanth ..

                                    There is NO Way !!!

Check out for more @

http://www.goiit.com/posts/list/community-shelf-99-rajnikanth-jokes-1016995.htm

Krish..

Pink Tights & French Perfume !!

.

I walk,

In the mornings mostly .

On plain clear roads ,  on not so busy parks and on less crowded jogging tracks .

I love fresh air ,

The morning mist ,

And the smell of chill wind,  fresh grass & damp mud .

And I dread ,

The passing draft of ,

And the snell of  sweat & body odor from passer-bys .

So I consciously ,

Keep a wide and safe distance ,

From any oncoming jogger or while overtaking a slow trotter .

Last week , a new dame in pink tights over took me –

Passed by me - a mere hair’s breath away .

And she left behind her wake,  the lovely aroma of a mild floral perfume !

( must be French , I bet !! )

My eyes lit up,

My ears switched off from the headphones ,

My mind did a somersault

And My legs walked faster –

All  Automatically !!

I caught up with her , a few feet behind and held the pace for a few seconds before I overtook her in close quarters mentally imagining what an intriguing person she might be .

But I did not dare to look back and check her out .

Pink Tights and French Perfume can be a fatal combination !!

Krish..

.

CWG 2010 - Do'nt Blame us !!

CWG NewDelhi 2010.

Do not blame us . We are not at fault !
Its statistics ! The dice were loaded against us all the way !!!

It has been proved that after every 2 spectacular events the chances of the third event delivering a " hattrick " is less than 2% !
More than 70 % chances that the third will turn into a non event and 28% chances of it turnig into a disaster .
So the CWG 2010 really did not have a chance - coming right after the Olympics and the Wrold Cup .
Why blame the Organising commitee, the Chairman and all the witch hunts ??

Accept the statistics , The Truth and we can all rest peacefully !!

And we are having a spectacular opening event right now !!
.
Krish..

.



Rich Girl will not obey our orders, Sir !!

.

So Ramesh,  are you married ?

No Sir .

What are you waiting for ??

Pause – no answer ..

Do you have any sisters ?

Yes Sir ,     one ,     she is married .

Good , so its your turn next , no ??

Yes Sir , my parents are already looking .

Excellent Ramesh !!   Ask them to find you a rich girl !!
No Sir .

Why ?

Rich girl will not be good Sir .. We have experience Sir .

They are looking for poor girl only , Sir .

Why Ramesh, what is wrong with rich girls ?

Sir, Rich girl … we will want them to..  to obey ..

Rich girl will not obey our orders . Sir .

OK … and ??

Sir they will only want money and want to be happy .

Ramesh , is that not what all of us also want in life  ??

Not that Sir .  Poor girl will know lot more , she will know lot more house things  . She will be nice because she will know sadness also Sir !!

And that is how the conversation progressed and finally eliminated the prospects of any  rich girl marrying Ramesh , the taxi cab driver ( hailing from Tumkur ) who picked me up at Bgl airport and dropped  me @ my home last night ..

Krish..

.

IndiBlogger Meet – Bgl, 3 Oct’10 !!

.

I went in as a casual observer …

And got converted !!

A room full of bright young folks bubbling with energy and enthusiasm .

From 19 year olds to some wizened grey hairs  - they were all sharing their passion for blogging and twitter .

And I decided I must join this group rightaway !!

SO here I go on air !!

Krish..

.